I'm a wolf pretending to be human. I have an internet connection and a tarot deck
All About You
I am Jason Hottel. I am aslo known as Fluffy. I used to be a furry. My pendulum tells that I don't care what I am called, as l am not called before 9am pacific time.. I live in Santa Cruz, California. I am working on my first degree in the Corrillian Tradition.
I am studying wicca, and this tradition in particular because of Witchschool.com, and the amazing community that comes along with it. I am leaning about enegry, quantum physics, alchemy and the human nature. I enjoy looking into portals and leaving rocks in them, attaching ley lines into rocks, sleeping and drinking Dr. Pepper.
I self identity as a wolf, pretending to do the human thing. I get a nickel every time I make a bad pun, or some off colored joke. I am aslo queer, and I qualify as werewolf bait. I am more heathen than anything else. I have the valknut tattooed on my back. I am in a constant state of Death and Rebirth. I belive this is why the Valknut hasn't killed me yet despite being werewolf bait (unless I am a clone). I have no idea if I am the way I am because I learned how to deprogram myself, or I spent too much time sniffing things that stimulated too many brain cells. Regardless of why, or how, I have learned how to stand on my 3 paws and enjoy life.
I am aslo half Christian. I am a son of God, a deciple of Heckate, Odin and Loki. The wolf is my totem animal, and I am missing my lower leg. My pet wolf, Baxter has what's left of my leg and is using it as a chew toy.
I had a custom tarot card made when the Infinite Tarot was on Kickstarter. The Fluffy is my version of the Fool. It depicts my journey through my shadow self.
When I receive my third degree, I want to work as a chaplin that specializes in grief therapy. And yes, I can be serious and focused when I need to.
On July 17, I spilled some ketchup on my leg and Baxt3333er accidently mistook it as a large peice of ham and gnawed it off (bad wolf!) I quickly got over it. There is no use crying over spoiled meat. I decided that if life gives me lemons, I will make a lemon missle launcher and engage in shenanigans.
This poem outlines alot of ideology that I live by, and describes much of my experiences since I became pagan.
Death and Rebirth...
To take what is there, to grasp what hurts
To love and accept what is
To witness and validate
Trauma, hurt, suffering and pain
Seeds of strength, sparks of hope
Taking root, catching fire
The phoenix reborn of ash and decay
To stand tall, to walk with the gods
To be one with the creator
To be one with your self"
Who are you? Who do you want to be? Do you dare to dream? Do you even dare to let yourself have hope?
These are all questions I was asked by the creator when I was learning to be pagan.
I know what I am. I had to lose my lower leg (and confront my health issues) to learn that at my core I am, and always have been an alchemist.
It has been about 4 years since I had surrendered to God, and taken a leap of faith and gave myself permission to let go so I may heal. I had alot of medical problems that were being suppressed and contained. I knew my right leg was going bad...had gone bad. I went to the ER confident that everything was going to be alright.
I had spent spent the prior three years of my life trying to learn magic, enegry healing, divination and self mastery. I was hoping to heal myself of my physical wounds. The only thing I learned was the lessen that most wounded healers learn.
I had to heal my spirit and inner child before I could heal my physical form. Four years ago, I was given the option of keeping my leg intact or learn how to self heal. In my foolishness, I had asked to claim both. Sprit allowed me to do so. By taking an option that was not originally offered, I choose to pander to family, and society. I believed self healing required me to be physically whole. I slowly learned I was wrong.
I spent the next several years learning how to put up boundaries, and protect myself from other people's opinions and expectations. In the space between spaces, I learned how to deprogram what I considered my modailty of thinking. I discovered that I was happiest as a child,, with my sense of humor guiding me through life. My enthusiastic nature is an expression of the many ways I choose to reprogram myself. I am far from being happy, and my depression is still there, and I still care about what ohter people think. I do recognize that I am a human doing the human thing, and as long as I allow my feelings to exist, they don't have the power to endanger my life the way they did once upon a time. What doesn't kill a person makes you wise, not stronger.
I found myself doing meditation practices, holding sacred space, and doing divination for others. I learned that the people I was working with were there to help inspire me to discover ways to heal myself, and stich back together my emotions and sprit. The work I was doing was on behalf of other people. It was never about me. Because of this, I discovered that I was healing without undue suffering or trauma. (It still was painful.)
In those 4 years, I have decided that I am many things and looked at many labels and identities. I found that none of that matters. Yesterday something remarkable happend.
I was given my prosthetic leg. I have something new to learn how to use, and a hiding place for a squeak toy. I had new options. That was all that mattered.
In that moment, my ego shut off. I heared a voice ask me a question...one that I have been struggling with for a long time.
"Who are you?"
"I am me."
I realized that I am exactly who I was wanting to be. Our desires reflect our inner nature. I became everhing I felt I was lacking. The creator doesn't make us want or need something we can't have.
We desire so we can accept what is there and take ownership of it. This is why I am taking the path of clergy. This is why I am a tarot reader, meditation guide and enegry healer. I desire to take what I have been given and use it to be of service.
I am currently working on a FB group that is to function as a sacred space for the wounded, those recovering from wounds, alies of wounded (or anyone who is intesred). (Pagan World has a similar group.) The Wrecked Weirdos is a place for people to gather and to share about people's struggles, triumphs and experiences.
This group is a space where we are allowed to witness each ohters growth, provide resources, community and allow our experiences to become an inspiration. I do plan on posting videos, meditations, and occasional bits of information to help people pivot in a direction that promotes healing. If you are intested in being a Wrecked Weirdo, please click on the link below, and join.
I do hope that people actively participate in the Wrecked Weirdos, post their own stuff, respond to ohter people's comments and share the group with ohters. It is to be open to everyone, but it will follow the Corrillian axioms. To have an open heart and open mind.
I am a sprital alchemist, and I seek to help inspire people to be audacious, to step into their own power, and to walk with the gods
I host a static zoom room on Friday nights for a few hours. It is a legacy of a Corrillian meet up that was held last year. It is a sacred container for spiritual people to socialize. It runs from 6 PM Pacific Time (9 PM Eastern Time) until late into the next morning. (Link below.) It follows the standard formula of "Open Heart, Open Mind."
I am maintaining this space until (or if) someone within the Corrillian tradition wishes to claim it. I currently call it the Fluff Box. It's set up so that it doesn't need a host. I keep it going because I know we all need a place to connect and to heal. I encourage people to bring their tarot decks, or other healing/divination modalities to the Fluff Box. I always offer readings to anyone who is intesred.
Pagan World has a group called Baxter's. It's a place where I post my tarot and meditation content. Please check it out, and join the group. Baxter is the primary character posting videos. He is my emotional support wolf...Although I feel like at times I am traumatized by his shenanigans. But...when everything is said and done, he is a good wolfers and a loyal friend.
Thank you for giving me space to ramble, and to promote my own unique brand of shenanigans.
Live long and prosper.
P.S. I utlize two hashtags on FB to help people locate my content. Please use them as well if anyone posts related or similar content. #withthefluff and #wreckedweirdos. If anyone wishes to contact me directly, join the group, or see my social medias, please explore the following links.
With the Fluff:
Zoom room (Fluff Box):
Friday Nights 6 PM Pacifc time
Messenger chat group:
Legacy of C.C.F.
Your personal website